Superpowers Like A Leaky Faucet

Don't underestimate me.  You have no idea what I'm capable of.  Those are the words of someone on TV just now.  Makes me wonder just what she is capable of.  You know, like that thing where you tell a person you can't do that, and in that very same second the wheels in your head begin spinning thinking of ways you can.  Is that the trait of a genius?  I hear Thomas Edison didn't like being told he couldn't do something.  We don't usually hear much about how many things he did that failed.  Genius?  Maybe, maybe not...  Stubborn for sure.

Stubbornness can be good at times, I suppose.  Like this crappy movie I just watched.  Surely someone told the director how stinkin' lame that movie he made was.  It would have been better if he had just scrapped it all and tried something else, but no doubt his stubbornness made him some money and simultaneously wasted x number of hours in each life of the person that watched it.  Yeah, I watched half of it.  I'll never get that part of my life back again.  Good thing I don't have the motivation to find out who produced and directed it and demand my time back.  Good thing I'm not THAT stubborn.  Or maybe I am.  Don't underestimate me.  You have no idea what I'm capable of!

Heh, famous last words there, I'm sure of it.  After all, what am I capable of?  Pushing the button on the ol' clicker?  Finding me a different kind of lameness to waste my life on?  I am stubborn you know.  Mostly not in a good way.  Kick it harder, maybe it'll magically start working this time.  Kick it again.  Didn't work that time? Again...  Is it going yet?  Does it work now?  Oh, if I'd tried a different approach I could have saved myself a lot of wasted time and effort.  Work smarter, not harder they say.  Sure, ok.  Why can't I work smarter and harder?  Get twice as much done.  Kick the efficiency into high gear, you know?

What is there left to say?  I feel motivation to write sliding down the slippery slope into the pit of...  the pit of...  I don't even know.  Something's sapping my abilities.  Ok, who brought the kryptonite?  Leaping tall buildings in a single bound!  Why?  Because I can.  I'm Stubbornman!

Thinking Inside The Box

So I'm sitting here wondering to myself what kinds of things might you faithful readers be interested in reading about.  As I sit here, I can't help but be faced with the fact that I'm just no good at figuring out what other people like.  I do from time to time figure it out, but usually that information quickly departs its momentary rest in my mind for kinder, gentler shores.

I wish I could say that beneath this cold and steely exterior is a sound mind as steady and sure as I carry myself, but in truth, most nights my mind is in as much turmoil as a sea whipped to a frenzy by a passing cyclone.  Turmoil might not be the right term.  It conveys a feeling of blind chaos, which is not exactly how I would describe the thoughts passing through my head.  More like the controlled chaos of a building that has been set for demolition and under the skillful supervision of a demolitions expert, falls to the ground with calculated precision.

But perhaps you're not interested in what's on my mind.  For sure, if I were able to photograph the activity of my mind, you would find it much more intriguing.  You see, I'm not very capable when it comes to sorting out my thoughts into a comprehensible stream of communication by which I can effectively convey to you what it is I'm thinking and feeling.  Or maybe I can and am too scared to try for fear you'll laugh at me.  Rejection is cold dish that I'm still learning how to consume.  Not as cold as revenge when it is served, I'm sure; never the less, I'm convinced it is cold as well.

There is this thing I learned of.  Free writing it is called, if I remember correctly.  It's where you sit down and just start typing whatever comes out.  I hear it is an exercise for writing that can jump start creativity and assist in producing material that may at some point be useful.  I like to thing that I have a bit of skill in that I'm able to actively free write while molding and shaping the words as they come out into something that is appealing and somewhat connected.  I'm sure I have no inherent talent at it, but it.....   Well, I seem to have hit a wall.  All of a sudden, this is more work than fun so this looks like a good point to stop.  Au revoir!

Photo courtesy of: http://photoshopinc.com/free-stock-photo/stock-photo-tutorials/photoshop-website-template-stock-photo-brown-cardboard-shipping-box-in-photoshop

Driving

Today I drove.  I drove to a place I drive to quite a bit.  It was not so much the fact that I drove or where I drove to that motivated this post, but rather the conditions in which I drove.  Today, the roads were horrendous.  At one point, I might as well have been driving on a sheet of ice.  Wet, maybe.  I didn't slip at all, but that may be due to the speed (or lack thereof), newer tires, or divine intervention.  What was usually an hour plus long trip home from work was triple that today.

Sometimes there are things that we do because we want to.  Sometimes there are things we do because we just do.  Then there are days like today when we do things because we have to.  At any point in the trip I could have pulled over and waited.  I so wanted to.  I hate driving interstate in conditions like they were today, but I didn't.  I stuck it out and pressed onward to home.  When you average about 30 miles per hour you find lots of time to think.  In the car, listen.

I listened to the radio for a while, as I usually do.  Talk radio until I bored of the commercials.  Switched to the comedy channel on the iheartradio app.  Listened to that until they lied to me.  Funny how selling your station as commercial free means you can play a commercial.  Then I decided to listen to the road and the voices in my head.  The difference between normal and straight jacket, I'm sure, is whether or not you obey those voices or just point an laugh at them.  But that's neither here nor there.  It was there earlier today.

Funny how sometimes you have all the time in the world, and then at others, all the time in the world isn't enough.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

This has been an intresting ride to say the least.  Not that interesting I suppose.  As tends to be my habit, I'm sure I'm exaggerating the interestingness of it all.  What can I say?  My son does get all of his gusto from my wife's side.

Gusto.  It would do me some good if I had a bit more.  It's one thing that always seems to elude me.  I'm much too laid back for that.  Perhaps it doesn't so much elude me as I run from it.  But that's something to ponder another day.

I can't help but wonder if this blog has run it's course.  I know its been a while since I posted last.  Not for lack of desire.  OK, that's a half truth.  I haven't really wanted to write though I thought from time to time I should.  Writing has never been an enjoyment of mine.  It's been more or less a necessary evil to convey things I felt the need to get out.  It's that task that you do that you don't want to but must.  Similar to what going to work is for a lot of people.  Why do I do it?  I'm not really sure anymore.  Perhaps it's like reading for me.  I would enjoy it if I had the patience, but my personality steals away any joy I might receive that could fuel my motivation to work.

Anyway I don't know if I'll continue this or not.  Time will tell.  I suspect there will be more to come...

I know how much you all love a good cliffhanger.

Aberzombie And Which

Anyone who knows me knows that I think zombies are dumb.  Anyone else that knows me, knows that I'm not the kind of guy that likes to take anyone's word for it on anything.  And anyone else should be everyone else.

Here is an interesting ponderable.  Fears of a zombie apocalypse all seem to hinge upon one thing they all presume is a given: that the termination of the human race is a bad thing.  Now, since I'm not one to take anyone's ideas at face value, I would like to challenge this assumption.  Why should we concern ourselves with arming for the defense of a zombie apocalypse?  Why is the termination of the human race due to an invasion of reanimated decaying masses of flesh a bad thing?  Beyond the obvious disgustingness of the whole thing (Ah, ah, see what I did there just now?).

Now that that's all said, maybe I shouldn't be writing anything right now.

That was a few days ago.  No, weeks.  No, actually, I think it was months ago now that I started this post.  My thoughts haven't changed on this topic.  I still have a strong dislike for zombies.  You know, Ive always thought Abercrombie and Fitch was a dumb name for a clothing company as well, so I´ll just tack them on to my consideration of zombies in this post.  Don´t be a hater.

I don´t know what I´m saying.  I´m having one of those diarrhea of the brain days.  Like I said earlier, maybe I shouldn´t be writing anything right now.  Yarrrr...

Going Down?

Time to write another entry for this blog.  Why am I here this early on a Tuesday?  Because the TV network decided they wanted to push NCIS back an hour in order to play Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  Funny that I, one who dislikes the majority of what's on TV these days, should be disappointed over this.  I'm trying hard to wax philosophical here, but it's just not coming.  No, it doesn't look like there will be much discussion worthy material tonight boyos.

I could go on to some thoughts regarding searching your first name on urbandictionary.com to see what comes up.  I'll just let you go where that takes you.  After all I believe in personal responsibility for your actions.  I went there.  Doesn't mean you have to.

I could talk about how I feel like anything that used to interest me no longer does any more.  How I get little to no enjoyment from video games (Say it ain't so, Joe!) any more.  Activities I used to enjoy tend to be a bit of a bore.  Being alone has morphed into a desire for someone else.  Don't they say these are symptoms of depressions?  I'm sure I saw a commercial about this.  You know if you saw it in a commercial it must be true.

I could talk about the gun shots I hear.  I could let you form your own who, what, when, where, how and why about them instead of telling you about them.  I could.  But I won't.  See on Tuesday nights you can hear the gun club across the river shooting skeet.  See, it wasn't all as exciting (horrifyingly so or otherwise) as you were thinking it was, was it?

I could talk about the stupid fly in the room that just won't die.  You know how a fly stuck in a window will eventually be found doing the upside down red light green light game?  I've been waiting for this fly to starve to death for a week now.  Every night he's there, buzzing about in the room over by the window.  But you don't really want to hear about my homicidal urges toward a fly, do you?

I could talk about the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the cars on the road, or the animals in the trees, but that would all be boring if coming from me.  It would be so because I know a little about a lot.  Kind of like reading a children's book.  They're good for a quick warm fuzzy, but when you want something deep and meaningful, you'll have to have me in person and start digging.  Otherwise you'll be lucky to ever get me to open up.  I'm mostly a closed book.  Even to those that are closest to me.  Ask them if you like.  I don't really want to be this way, I guess I just am.  I can usually tell when someone genuinely cares about what I have to say and that's the only time I usually open up to anyone.  Unfortunately, what's in this book isn't something I'm sure anyone really wants to snuggle up to a cozy fire with.  I could use a pick me up.

Ech...  What's up doc?

Wars Without Stars

There is a song by a guy they've been playing on the country station quite a bit lately.  It's a catchy little tune, thought the subject matter of the song isn't me at all and I'm certainly not in that situation.  Could I be?  Sure, as could anyone really, if they pushed hard enough.  That's how I feel tonight.  No, not like I want to be in that situation.  In fact, the song has nothing to do with how I feel, just the one line that is the basis for the song is it.  I got nothin'.  And so I'll sit here and see how long I can write about nothing.

You certainly can't write about something when you have nothing.  That would just be absurd.  Unless you've been here before.  Then you could write about the last time you had nothing and wrote about it.  I'm getting some deja vu here.  Are you?  I think I've been down this road before in a previous blog entry.  Well, if nothing else, I'm entertaining myself.

There are so many things I could be talking about.  So many other things I could be doing, but that requires the right people to ask the right questions.  Do you ever feel that way?  Hope and pray that the right people ask the right questions because you just can't say what it is you want to say?  I know how you feel.  Some things are better left unsaid.

I like to think that this little blog thing is some kind of an exercise for me to jump start a songwriting career.  That's what I like to think.  I imagine that if I can just get enough experience letting words flow that at some point I will be able to latch on to something that will allow me to shape what flows out into something usable that can be put to music.  So far, no such luck.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I has done some good to that end.  Only problem is what comes out is either unfit for human consumption, or else it is too revealing of those things I'm trying to suppress that I don't dare share them.  Yes, I am a man of many sorrows.  But many of you knew that already.

Many of my sorrows are self inflicted, no doubt.  Every man is bound to suffer the consequences of his actions.  Some sooner rather than later, but every dog will have his day but that day won't always be the cat's meow.  Suffering the consequences is something that can be looked forward to if the consequences are the result of careful attention and prudent planning.  Unfortunately, like Han Solo, my life has been largely a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.  Unfortunately, simple tricks and nonsense don't always land you a General's position in the Rebel army with your Princess Leia at your side.  Mostly they just land you in a tavern booth with Greedo opposite you and people forever arguing whether or not you shot first or he did.

That's a whole lotta something for one who's got nothin'...