Aberzombie And Which

Anyone who knows me knows that I think zombies are dumb.  Anyone else that knows me, knows that I'm not the kind of guy that likes to take anyone's word for it on anything.  And anyone else should be everyone else.

Here is an interesting ponderable.  Fears of a zombie apocalypse all seem to hinge upon one thing they all presume is a given: that the termination of the human race is a bad thing.  Now, since I'm not one to take anyone's ideas at face value, I would like to challenge this assumption.  Why should we concern ourselves with arming for the defense of a zombie apocalypse?  Why is the termination of the human race due to an invasion of reanimated decaying masses of flesh a bad thing?  Beyond the obvious disgustingness of the whole thing (Ah, ah, see what I did there just now?).

Now that that's all said, maybe I shouldn't be writing anything right now.

That was a few days ago.  No, weeks.  No, actually, I think it was months ago now that I started this post.  My thoughts haven't changed on this topic.  I still have a strong dislike for zombies.  You know, Ive always thought Abercrombie and Fitch was a dumb name for a clothing company as well, so I´ll just tack them on to my consideration of zombies in this post.  Don´t be a hater.

I don´t know what I´m saying.  I´m having one of those diarrhea of the brain days.  Like I said earlier, maybe I shouldn´t be writing anything right now.  Yarrrr...

Going Down?

Time to write another entry for this blog.  Why am I here this early on a Tuesday?  Because the TV network decided they wanted to push NCIS back an hour in order to play Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  Funny that I, one who dislikes the majority of what's on TV these days, should be disappointed over this.  I'm trying hard to wax philosophical here, but it's just not coming.  No, it doesn't look like there will be much discussion worthy material tonight boyos.

I could go on to some thoughts regarding searching your first name on urbandictionary.com to see what comes up.  I'll just let you go where that takes you.  After all I believe in personal responsibility for your actions.  I went there.  Doesn't mean you have to.

I could talk about how I feel like anything that used to interest me no longer does any more.  How I get little to no enjoyment from video games (Say it ain't so, Joe!) any more.  Activities I used to enjoy tend to be a bit of a bore.  Being alone has morphed into a desire for someone else.  Don't they say these are symptoms of depressions?  I'm sure I saw a commercial about this.  You know if you saw it in a commercial it must be true.

I could talk about the gun shots I hear.  I could let you form your own who, what, when, where, how and why about them instead of telling you about them.  I could.  But I won't.  See on Tuesday nights you can hear the gun club across the river shooting skeet.  See, it wasn't all as exciting (horrifyingly so or otherwise) as you were thinking it was, was it?

I could talk about the stupid fly in the room that just won't die.  You know how a fly stuck in a window will eventually be found doing the upside down red light green light game?  I've been waiting for this fly to starve to death for a week now.  Every night he's there, buzzing about in the room over by the window.  But you don't really want to hear about my homicidal urges toward a fly, do you?

I could talk about the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the cars on the road, or the animals in the trees, but that would all be boring if coming from me.  It would be so because I know a little about a lot.  Kind of like reading a children's book.  They're good for a quick warm fuzzy, but when you want something deep and meaningful, you'll have to have me in person and start digging.  Otherwise you'll be lucky to ever get me to open up.  I'm mostly a closed book.  Even to those that are closest to me.  Ask them if you like.  I don't really want to be this way, I guess I just am.  I can usually tell when someone genuinely cares about what I have to say and that's the only time I usually open up to anyone.  Unfortunately, what's in this book isn't something I'm sure anyone really wants to snuggle up to a cozy fire with.  I could use a pick me up.

Ech...  What's up doc?

Wars Without Stars

There is a song by a guy they've been playing on the country station quite a bit lately.  It's a catchy little tune, thought the subject matter of the song isn't me at all and I'm certainly not in that situation.  Could I be?  Sure, as could anyone really, if they pushed hard enough.  That's how I feel tonight.  No, not like I want to be in that situation.  In fact, the song has nothing to do with how I feel, just the one line that is the basis for the song is it.  I got nothin'.  And so I'll sit here and see how long I can write about nothing.

You certainly can't write about something when you have nothing.  That would just be absurd.  Unless you've been here before.  Then you could write about the last time you had nothing and wrote about it.  I'm getting some deja vu here.  Are you?  I think I've been down this road before in a previous blog entry.  Well, if nothing else, I'm entertaining myself.

There are so many things I could be talking about.  So many other things I could be doing, but that requires the right people to ask the right questions.  Do you ever feel that way?  Hope and pray that the right people ask the right questions because you just can't say what it is you want to say?  I know how you feel.  Some things are better left unsaid.

I like to think that this little blog thing is some kind of an exercise for me to jump start a songwriting career.  That's what I like to think.  I imagine that if I can just get enough experience letting words flow that at some point I will be able to latch on to something that will allow me to shape what flows out into something usable that can be put to music.  So far, no such luck.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I has done some good to that end.  Only problem is what comes out is either unfit for human consumption, or else it is too revealing of those things I'm trying to suppress that I don't dare share them.  Yes, I am a man of many sorrows.  But many of you knew that already.

Many of my sorrows are self inflicted, no doubt.  Every man is bound to suffer the consequences of his actions.  Some sooner rather than later, but every dog will have his day but that day won't always be the cat's meow.  Suffering the consequences is something that can be looked forward to if the consequences are the result of careful attention and prudent planning.  Unfortunately, like Han Solo, my life has been largely a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.  Unfortunately, simple tricks and nonsense don't always land you a General's position in the Rebel army with your Princess Leia at your side.  Mostly they just land you in a tavern booth with Greedo opposite you and people forever arguing whether or not you shot first or he did.

That's a whole lotta something for one who's got nothin'...

Gone From The Ordinary

I learned two new words the other day.  Escapism and banal.

Escapism is mental diversion by means of entertainment or recreation, as an "escape" from the perceived unpleasant or banal aspects of daily life.

-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escapism

ba·nal/ˈbānl/

Adjective:

So lacking in originality as to be obvious and boring.

 -https://www.google.com/search?sclient=psy-ab&hl=en&source=hp&q=banal&pbx=1&oq=banal&aq=f&aqi=g4&aql=&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=2271l2913l0l3190l5l5l0l0l0l0l200l654l2.2.1l5l0&biw=1218&bih=899&cad=cbv&sei=5pvPTtG7M4issQLh2ZjuDg

I thought I would write a banal post on the topic of escapism.  I hope I didn't disappoint.  Now it's your turn.  Use them both in a sentence.

Lawlessness And Disorder

I've been watching Law and Order a bit since I started staying here.  I never would have told you that I thought I'd find that show to be interesting.  The stories seem compelling and thought provoking at times.  Today I watched an episode that did just that.  Too bad I can't remember what it was now because I really wanted to make a blog post about the topic.  Oh well, you win some, you lose some.  Me, I lose it more often than not.  Some day I'll train myself to write these things down for later use.

Beyond that, I'm at a loss on what to write about tonight.  Perhaps I've got too many distractions.  Perhaps I'm only doing this to keep it going.  Sometimes when you think you really care about something you throw yourself at it just to keep the momentum and not lose speed.  Ignoring something is an effective way to begin forgetting about it and eventually allow it to die.  Kind of like I wouldn't mind happening to these amazingly annoying Target commercials with that freak of a woman.  Do they realize they are more annoying and repulsive than entertaining?  Good reasons not to patronize Target any more.  Remove their funding, remove their ability to produce repulsive ads...

But where was I?  The freak of a woman.  Please don't read that wrong.  I used that language for emphasis, not out of hatred.  If I liked blondes, I might actually find her mildly attractive.  It's the role she's playing.  I'm repulsed by it.  Nothing personal to her, I'd rather just not fill my mind with the ideas and behaviors she's promoting.  I'm sure she's not really a freak, or maybe she is.  I don't know her so I can't make that judgement.  Like I said I wasn't making judgement, just "creatively" expressing emphasis.

Why do we do things like that; use abrasive language to emphasize things?  I know why I do sometimes.  Out of fear, peer pressure, a desire to be liked; none of which are valid reasons to react that way.  Who ever thought being straightforward and truthful would be so difficult.  There are so many factors that push us in different ways throughout the course of a day, a person who can stand firm is a rare thing these days.

Well, I kind of wandered about through the topics today, didn't I?  I guess that's a good place to stop for one night.  Perhaps next time I'll be better able to collect my thoughts and have written something meaningful down to write about.

Au revoir!

Who Am I?

It's been a bit since the last time I wrote on here.  I suppose I ought to say something.  I hear a train...and I see it too.  In a way I've come to enjoy seeing and hearing those trains as they run through town.  I don't have anything special or philosophical to say about it.  Just that.  That's it.

It's interesting to hear stories about my grandparents.  I spent most of my life growing up miles away from them, so I've learned to appreciate what they tell me about themselves because it tells me about myself.  Sometimes I wonder who I am and I don't even know any more.  Listening to my Grandmother talk about her husband, I begin to understand who I am.  Or at least I think I do.  I hear about things that I would have done and said possibly, in similar situations.  I begin to understand why I do and react in some of the ways I do to things.  I can't help but wonder if I've missed some essential part of growing up, and that has somehow made me the unsure individual I am today.

Don't misunderstand me.  I'm not at all faulting my parents for how I was raised.  They were just young adults like I am now forging their way in life.  Making decisions as they went based on the situations they were in.  As I look back on it all, sure, they weren't perfect, but parents rarely are.  I'm not sure I would have had them any other way.  They did what they felt was the right things to do and for that I greatly appreciate them.  I hope that my children can see what I am doing now in the same way some day.

Who am I?  I'm still not really sure I know.  Does it matter?  I suppose not, in the grand scheme of things.  When my time comes and I return to the dirt that I was created out of or am called out of this world to a better existence, all that I am and could be here will be water under the bridge.  Regardless, it would be nice to have someone that could help me find myself.  Until that time, I'll remain a wanderer through this life, reacting to what must be reacted to and making my decisions as required based on the knowledge and wisdom I've been granted.


May the road rise up to meet you, 
May the wind be at your back, 
May the sun shine warm upon your face, 
May the rain fall soft upon your fields, 
And until we meet again, 
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Feelin' Funky

Today has been a bit of a bonkers day for me.  I don't know why, it hasn't been terribly stressful or anything.  I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed.  No one got on my case for anything, and the drive to work was nothing out of the ordinary.

Do you ever have those days where you just feel off and the pipes in your head feel clogged?  Almost as if a bottle of drain-o wouldn't even help because it's a kind of hazy clogged, rather than a blockage.  Days like this for me go better when I can focus my energy on mindless work.  It tends to be comforting to me, perhaps that's partly why I enjoyed working two jobs when I finished out my day at Gamestop.  On of the things I enjoyed there was alphabetizing the games.  I could spend my whole shift some days sitting on the floor putting the cases back in order.  More than once I organized our bins.

Perhaps you're thinking I'm a bit off my rocker.  Maybe, but in a good way.  I'm not convinced that quirks, weirdness if you will, is something to be looked cockeyed upon.  As you look out at the people on the streets, what do you see?  A man walking his dog?  A girl driving down the street in her college sticker decorated car? The lady sitting at the teller's desk in the local bank?  The teenage kid working the drive through of your local McDonald's?  What if we removed one of those people from existence?  We might not miss them at all, but someone would.  It's an indisputable fact that those people are filling some position that their specific personality may be best fitted to.

Maybe not as indisputable as I'd like the fact to be.  It's no doubt people can be unhappy in their positions in life.  If you would ask me, I might tell you how I feel about mine and the things that bother me.  That job I had at Gamestop, one could argue that I was well suited to that job because of my desire to put things in order and the comfort I received by doing so.  Now that was just one aspect of my job there that I was good at, or at least patient with.  There were many other aspects which caused me to be nothing more than an average employee.

This is why we should never discount a person based on our own personal perceptions of them.  Each person has value in whatever role they can fill, whatever things they excel at.  Some people just haven't found their place yet, or their place has yet to find them.  It would be remiss of me though, to not acknowledge the fact that many people in this world fail to live up to even their most mediocre of potentials.  Those individuals are a cancer to society.  Lest you find me harsh, I'm not talking of those who are unable in some way or another to care for themselves.  I think it's very clear that the strong have the God given responsibility to care for those that can't care for themselves.  I'm talking about those that though they have the ability, do not engage it, or they engage it to fulfill their own lusts.  The quantity of people of this character (or lack thereof) is possibly a good indicator of the health of a society.

Anyways, a bonkers day it has been today for me.  I know I'm still not cleared up in the head yet.  I was able to spend a few minutes today breaking down and taking out some cardboard boxes for recycling, which helped a bit (neatly flattening boxes and stacking them in a nice squared up pile can be wonderfully therapeutic for me).  Perhaps the only thing that would pull me out of this funk would be time spent in the presence of another individual engaged in meaningful conversation.  Or sleep.  Sleep can have a kind of clarifying power to it at times.  Perhaps that's what I'll be relying on tonight for a better day tomorrow.  Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise they always say...

Rules For Driving In The City

Did you know that it's much easier to write something when you just let the words flow out of your head and onto whatever medium it is that you're writing with?  It's like a stream of water running down a hill and around the rocks, making little gurgly noises as it winds it's way through the path of least resistance.  While it can be comforting to listen and entertaining, from time to time we crave something with a bit more substance.  That is why I am going to attempt to create an entire blog post on a single topic.  It's been said of me before that still waters run deep.  This is my attempt at giving you a nice pool to swim and cool off in.  A change of pace from the rapids you're normally compelled to navigate.

As I was navigating the rapids myself today it occurred to me that in my time living near and working in a "big" city I have come to the realization that many people have a certain fear that quite possibly is unfounded.  At the least, it is valid in so much that they fear what they don't know and have not experienced.  This isn't necessarily an unnatural thing.  We often fear what we don't know and can't understand.  Kind of like driving in the city is to people unaccustomed to navigating the rapids of the urban asphaltways.  And so, here are Tony's rules for driving in the city.

1) Don't panic!

Much like Douglas Adams tells us, it is important not to panic for obvious reasons.  First you're driving.  Panic while driving is never a good thing, unlike being at the disco.  Driving in a panic will tend to find you in the most in the most inopportune situations, generally involving others and mangled metal.  Something that is never a joyous occasion, unless you're watching that episode of Auction Hunters where Ton rolls a car in a junkyard with a Bobcat.  Second, well, I can't think of a second reason why you shouldn't drive in a panic beyond the desire to avoid bodily harm to yourself and/or others, which to me, sounds like a pretty good reason on it's own.

2) Water off a duck's back.

If you're the out of towner who isn't used to the joys of traffic jams, slow drivers, idiot drivers, and people who thing they own the road, this is probably the second most important thing you can do while driving in the city.  Know that you are generally travelling at high rates of speed (though speed isn't necessarily a factor here) in cramped areas with many other people doing the same thing.  Due to the sheer number of individuals in one place at the same time, you're bound to run into (not literally let's hope) that one individual that will flip you off for doing exactly what the traffic laws dictate you should do at that one point in time.

Like water off a duck's back, it is a good idea to not take anything personally and remember, that person irked at you for obeying the law is the stupid freakin' moron here, not you.  Remain calm, let him put the hammer down, speed off, and vent his anger on some other driver that is miles ahead of you.  With any luck, he'll be the one to spring that speed trap ahead that you might have gotten caught in for driving 7 miles per hour over the speed limit.  See, it's all good!

3) You can get there from here (anywhere).

Getting lost can be a stressful situation to be in.  Even worse can be that first few moments after you realize, "Oh crap, I was supposed to turn there!"  Or, "Gah!  Turned too soon!"  If you find yourself in just such a situation, first remember rule 1, DON'T PANIC, then remember this one.  You are in a city.  Cities mean lots of people.  Lots of people mean lots of ways to get to point B from point A.  That generally means that, yes, you should have turned sooner or not at all, but where ever you find yourself know, know that you can get where you're going from here!  Honestly, this is something everyone should know.  Regardless of where you live you don't generally get permanently lost by missing your turn or taking too many.

This can be a blessing in disguise.  You get to see parts of town you've never been to (and may never want to see again).  You may find things you didn't know were there.  You may be late for that appointment and have to make another trip which is another opportunity to get lost and see more of town!  Just what you always wanted, I know.  But yes, where ever you are right know, you can get there from here!  Amazing isn't it!  Which takes us into the next section:

4) Essential equipment for reducing stress.

No, I'm not talking about massages, though you might want one after an exciting drive.  I'm talking about things like GPSs, maps, and uh, other things, that reduce stress.  Um, no.  Not that, get your mind out of the gutter.  We're driving here.

Yes, GPSs can be a huge help, especially in assisting with the previous rule.  You can know that you can get there from here, but if you don't know how to get there from here, it can be difficult to not cuss that guy out that just cut you off when you clearly had the right of way.  A GPS will help you when you get lost and direct you the way you need to go.  Unless of course you got that guy from the Allstate commercials to GPS for you, or the GPS you bought doesn't know it's head from a hole in the ground, in which case planning and a map can help a lot more.

In addition to a GPS, something I also mentioned is planning.  The 7 Ps should always precede any trip...  Proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance.  Memorize it.  Know it.  Use it.

5) No substitute for experience.

As with anything you do in life, there is no substitute for experience.  Having been there, done that is one of the most valuable things you can have in your possession (Except for that one time in Puerto Rico where I woke up with a hangover, in the hospital, and a bad case of...oh never mind.  I wish I hadn't been there and hadn't done that.).  So, anyway...  Yes, one of your biggest allies in driving in the city is having been there and done that.  Like a fine wine, you'll get better the more times you do it.  Or the more times you do it you'll age.  Or as you drive more, your hair will turn grey...or something like that.  Before you know it, you'll be sitting on your bed, writing out your own set of rules for driving in the city hoping to dispel the fears of others coming to the concrete jungle while counting how many more grey hairs that prick in the Audi gave you today.  I'm kidding.  My grey hairs came from other sources.

I hope you've enjoyed this little trip down education lane and find this information to be helpful to you in your future adventures.  Good luck and God speed (but not too fast)!

To Hear And To Listen

Sometimes I wonder how long it will take for me to tire of this and abandon it altogether.   That's what I tend to do with any creative project I take on.  Calling this a creative project makes it sound so serious.  As you can tell, serious is the last thing this blog is.  It's more of a joke really.  A bad joke.  You know the kind, and yet here it is.

I don't really know where I was going with this.  I started this post this morning on my phone.  Do you know how difficult it is to type out anything on a cell phone touch screen?  Lucky for me, the people I was waiting for showed up before I got too far.  The constant spelling corrections made sure of that.

I guess for a person to be a writer, they've got to have something to write about.  Another way of saying it would be that they'd have something they want to say.  I don't know what i want to say, which is why it's so difficult to keep up with this.  I don't say much unless I have something to say.  It's just the way I am.  You'd not guess from this I suppose.  This is turning into more of an exercise in rambling.  Maybe that's good, maybe not.  Sometimes I feel like no one would listen if I wanted to talk anyway.  I don't mean just hear, I mean really caringly listen.  Lucky for everyone else, I don't usually want to talk about my uninteresting life anyway.

But that's enough of that.  Listening is so much more than just hearing.  Listening involves paying attention at the very least.  Sometimes that is enough.  Hearing, providing nonverbal feedback to the speaker so they know you are hearing them and understanding.  How do you listen to someone though when you are having trouble paying attention?  I guess first you have to figure out why you're having trouble paying attention.

A good culprit as a first item is the TV.  Not specifically the TV, but that is a good example of what a distractions might be.  That's why I'm having trouble writing this right now.  I'm having trouble paying attention to this because of the distraction in the background.  We can gather from this is that it is good to listen in a place that is free from distractions, or remove the potential distractions from the area where the listening is to be done.  Less distractions the better.

Two is personal issues.  I find it difficult to listen when I've got my own baggage I'm lugging around upstairs.  It's best to check your bags at the door, if you can.  Put them away for the time being.  After all, if you're going to be listening and want the person to understand that you really do care, try to avoid talking about your problems.  Doing so may give the idea that you're trying to shift the focus on to yourself rather than the person being listened to.  If you are unable to get your own personal issues under control, perhaps you're not the person to be listening.  It's good for people to understand that sometimes other just can't listen, after all we all have our own things happening in our lives.

Respect.  Just like a person who needs to talk should be able to respect if the person to talk to can't spend the time listening, the listener should be able to show the speaker that they at least respect him as a person.  A lack of mutual respect for each other is a good way to get off to a bad start and a waste of time.  Without mutual respect for each other, one side will look down on the other and the result will be the opposite of the desired result; that of conflict between the parties rather than understanding and empathizing and helping one another through difficult times.

This is about as far as it goes for me.  I'm far from a professional counselor, nor do I have any training in the area.  All I can speak to is common sense and what I've learned from my own interactions with people throughout my life.  Another part of being a good listener is being able to take correction.  Something I'm not particularly good at listening to.  So, help me out if you feel like it and correct anything I'm wrong about here.

Thus concludes this edition.

Insane Screaming Toadies

I would like to scream right now, but that would not do justice to the way I feel, or would it actually accomplish anything.  I doubt it would make me feel better.

So I went in this week to assist someone with their computer.  I had to wait a few minutes after I got there because the person was in the middle of some kind of meeting or something.  After a bit, he came out and got me.  We greeted each other and I asked how it was going.  His reply was, "frantic."  He then asked me if I was busy.  You know, formalities 'n all that.  I replied that there's plenty to be doing, but only so many hours in a day.  He said to me that sounded awfully sane of me, or something to that affect.

Sane, that is what i am.  If I am in a state of being sane, does that still qualify as being in sane?  Insane isn't the same as being in sane.  In fact (also not the same as infact), in sane isn't even proper English.  It would be in sanity.  Not to be confused with insanity, which is the opposite.  That's enough I suppose, I'm starting to confuse myself.  Or it could be the beer I just drank.

I really don't like beer.  Did you know that?  Of course you didn't because you don't really know me.  But then, maybe you do, in which (not to be confused with inwhich) case, you did know that.  But what is it to really know a person?  I mean really, really know.  Who knows?  Not me.  Or maybe I do, but I'm not telling.  See at this point I would say I don't know, but that would be misleading because I do know something, just not the specific something I need to know on this topic.  So to speak a generality like "I don't know" is both accurate and in error (not to be confused with inerror) at the same time.  Or is it really?  Eh, that's enough of this.

Now if you're a smart person, by now you're probably getting a bit irked with me.  Leading you on at the beginning, making you think that I'm going to talk about why I feel like screaming and why I headed down the path of the topic of insanity.  I didn't really.  Remember?  He said I was very sane.  Sane people scream all the time, I'm sure.  Since I'm a sane person, and technically I've never seriously screamed, I guess that's a false statement, isn't it?  Not exactly, just because I don't know any sane people that scream all the time doesn't technically mean there aren't any sane people that scream all the time.  It just means that I'm making an assertion that I'm hoping you will fall for hook, line, and sinker and thereby fool you into picking up the burden of proof because I really don't want to have to prove that I'm right.  I just want you to take my word for it and believe me like a good little toady.

Do you want to be my toady?  I've never had a toady before.  I don't much like frogs as pets, so I really hope you don't want to be my toady.  I have a hard enough time taking care of my own responsibilities to have to clean up after and care for an amphibian wannabe.  I'm sure you don't really wannabe an amphibian anyway.  Have to eat flies, and hibernate in the mud all winter.  Sounds like a meager existence to me.  Then again, 'scuse me.  I'm gonna go load up on some flies and find me a nice mud bath to sleep in for the next six months.  Someone wake me up in May.

When Ya Gotta Go...Hold It

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if...  Have I said this before?  Stop me if I've already gone down this road.  Oh wait. You can't.  *insert evil laugh here*  Do you wonder?  I do, but it's really pointless to.  You know, what is is what is and what could have been will never be.  Not the same as what I just saw on TV.  That's something that was that I wish never had been but now it's permanently seared into my mind and I am scarred for life.  Oh well, have to work on shoving that one back in the ol' subconscious.  Maybe it'll get buried in the piles of useless information I've collected.

Sometimes things are better left to the imagination.  Or, better left locked in a box like Nancy Grace.  Did I just say that?  That wasn't nice and to be honest I can't believe I'm actually watching this show.  I'm trying real hard not to.  Maybe I should just find myself a quiet room away from the TV so that I can entertain myself with my own musings.  The inside of my head is so much more interesting than the putrescence they put on the tube these days.  Heh, I said putrescence.  I think I even spelled it right.  What?  You don't agree about the contents of my head?  Well, that's because I keep the best of the best for myself.  You don't actually think I let it all out do you?

No, I most certainly do not.  Oh, that would be disastrous.  Disastrous like that one time...  Disastrous like me trying to force funny out of my head and onto this blog.  Usually all that comes out when I do that is...  hello victoria's secret commercial...  Bleh, sorry.  Stupid TV.  Like I was saying usually all that oozes out is grey matter and I need as much of that as I can keep.  What you thought I was going to actually say something humorous?  Heh, no.  You'll have to hang out some time when I'm relaxed and mellow for that. Not that I'm not relaxed and mellow right now, but actually I'm not.  It's hard to be relaxed when ya gotta go...

But I'm not generally a funny guy.  Funny lookin maybe.  My funny is more like a good coffee.  Most people probably won't like it, some won't get it, but if you spend the time to get to know it, you just might find you like it.  Of course I could be full of it.  This could be a load of bs designed to lure you in.  Into what you might ask?  I don't know because I haven't figured out what I should be luring people into if that were what I was trying to do here.  Did you get all that?  Comment if you did.

So what do you think?  Virtual penny for your thoughts while I go relieve myself.

Words And Treasure

What is there worth writing about?  Lots of things I suppose.  What would you like to read about?  That would be a good way to write, I suppose.  One problem though.  I'm not clairvoyant.  I'm not a mind reader, so you could save us both a little time and just tell me.  Wouldn't that be fun?  Of course you might find it more entertaining watching me guess.

Fun.  What is fun?  A chemical reaction that produces feelings of joy?  I don't know personally because I'm not a shrink or a neurologist or whatever you call a person who knows those kinds of things.  I'm just me, just little ol' me.  The computer guy.  That's what they like to call me at work.  "He's the computer guy."  Am I a computer guy?  No.  I'm a person guy.  No computers in me, nor am I composed of circuits and electricity.  I suppose you could say I am.  They say that our bodies have electrical currents and such.  Where there's electricity there's circuits, right?  What about lightning?  Maybe not.

That looks like a good spot to start a new paragraph.  You know, when I start out these posts, I don't generally have a plan.  I just start typing and see what comes out.  You know, kind of like a trash can.  Take the lid off, turn it upside down and shake it a bit and see what comes out.  Sometimes you get trash.  No, most of the time you get trash.  No, even more.  Nearly all the time you get trash, because that's what a trash can is for.  Trash cans are for holding trash.  But then, one man's trash is another man's treasure, so maybe, just maybe, what comes out will be treasure.  Is this treasure to you?  I'm not sure exactly what it is to me.  Gibberish.  Boredom.  Lots of things to lots of people.

I'd love to know what this is to you.  Right now it's 11:07.  Some people might say it's 10:07 because tonight we fall back.  No not literally.  If literally, I'd probably fall over right now, not back actually.  But I digress.  I just wanted to use that word, digress.  It's a fun one.  So did I actually digress?  I'll leave that up to you to figure out.  If you don't know the meaning of the word, I recommend a good dictionary.  Seriously.  I'd recommend a good one, but I don't know a good one.  A dictionary's a dictionary's a dictionary to me.

So do you have a dictionary?  I recommend checking out urbandictionary.com from time to time.  It can be quite entertaining, though quite unrefined.  Not that that's a bad thing.  Unrefined has a beauty of it's own for those who are able to see it.  I don't really mean unrefined though.  I can't find the right word right now so I'm stalling for time while it comes to me.  Stalling, stalling...  Nope.  It's not coming.  Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it can be quite vulgar.  No, that's not the word I wanted but it'll do.

What are some of your favorite words?

Sharks And Frickin' Laserbeams

Found me a nice little place tonight in Mon City.  I could get used to this.  Pumpkin pie latte, or was it pumpkin spice?  The sign by the register says "Friends don't let friends drink McCafe."  Hahahahaha!  For some reason I think I remember this place.  Not sure though, but I think it was a kind of antiques store a few years ago.  Looks a bit like they left some of it behind, if it was.

I've been awfully short on humor lately.  Maybe that's a good thing.  My wit seems to sharpen the more stress I'm under.  Maybe I just care too much.  More stress seems to refine me.  Also, alcohol.  I tend to get relaxed I guess.  Not with stress, but it's ironic that two ends of the spectrum seem to have the same result for me.  It could be a result of my personality type.

I'm by no means an expert in personalities.  All I can speak to is what I've read and what I've experienced in my life.  They say that people of my personality type perform well under pressure.  If you asked me, I would probably shy away from things that cause me stress and pressure, but I've seen myself do exactly the same as I read.  When other people start panicing, I can feel myself focusing like a laserbeam.  No, not like a shark with a frickin laserbeam, just a laserbeam.  It's wierd really.  When things get serious, it's like everything else is gone except the path that needs to be taken.  Things get very matter of fact, very black and white, and I tend to just do, or direct people to do.  This isn't me.  Anyone who knows me would tell you that's not the way I typically am.

But that's neither here nor there.  I don't think I would enjoy for a minute a job that puts me in situations like that.  Fireman, EMT, insert high pressure occupation here.  Not for me.  Do I have the makings of a hero?  Would I have been the one to organize and utter those immortalized words, "Let's roll."?  I sit here and tell you I doubt it.  But then, so would most people.  It's not until people like us are put in those situations that the layers are stripped away and our true natures are revealed.

It works that way for everyone I think.  Crisis works like a refiner's fire.  It burns away the facades and the masks we wear, revealing who we really are underneath the costumes and stories we build for ourselves for the entertainment of others.  I keep trying to wax poetic here.  Can you tell?  It's unintentional, honest.  I can feel myself getting into one of those moods.  Is that good or bad?  I can't tell you.  If certain individuals were here to keep me company, I'm sure I would be much more enjoyable company that I could have been lately.

We are what we are.  Here's to authenticity!

Kind Of Like Wandering

Did you know that I don't like writing?  Yes.  It's true.  I have never been a fan.  No wonder, you're probably thinking, you're no good at it so quit while you're ahead.  Yeah, well, I've never been much of a quitter; except when I'm tired of it, and don't want to any more, and when it hurts, and ok yeah, I'm a bit of a quitter at times.

I could quit right now.  This isn't exactly fun, I suppose.  Why am I keeping doing this?  I don't know.  Maybe because I have something I want to say and I'm hoping at some point it will just come out.  Maybe I want someone to like me.  Maybe I'm hoping that someone will see past the mess that routinely comes out of my head and see something worthwhile in there.  I don't know.  Hang on.  Karate Kid is on TV and I need to finish  watching it.  It's almost over.

Ok it's over.  Where was I?  Whatever, I don't know.  Maybe I should just write about not writing.  How about that for irony?  For anyone that doesn't know, I was home schooled.  We had this thing we did where we all wrote a story.  Everyone in my family contributed and we would take turns.  See, the first person would write a little of it.  then the next day someone else would write some, rinse and repeat until we were done.  I don't remember how the story went but it was an interesting little thing to see how it developed, each person adding their ideas and characters and events to the story.  Maybe we'll do it again some day, but not today.

Oh well, I better finish this up.  My wife's going to be calling in a bit to talk about whatever, I don't know.  The homes I looked at today will be part of it I'm sure in any case.  Thus concludes your completely unfunny edition of the sampling of Tony's grey matter.  I hope you weren't entertained. (insert funny saying or snippet of a joke here)