To Hear And To Listen

Sometimes I wonder how long it will take for me to tire of this and abandon it altogether.   That's what I tend to do with any creative project I take on.  Calling this a creative project makes it sound so serious.  As you can tell, serious is the last thing this blog is.  It's more of a joke really.  A bad joke.  You know the kind, and yet here it is.

I don't really know where I was going with this.  I started this post this morning on my phone.  Do you know how difficult it is to type out anything on a cell phone touch screen?  Lucky for me, the people I was waiting for showed up before I got too far.  The constant spelling corrections made sure of that.

I guess for a person to be a writer, they've got to have something to write about.  Another way of saying it would be that they'd have something they want to say.  I don't know what i want to say, which is why it's so difficult to keep up with this.  I don't say much unless I have something to say.  It's just the way I am.  You'd not guess from this I suppose.  This is turning into more of an exercise in rambling.  Maybe that's good, maybe not.  Sometimes I feel like no one would listen if I wanted to talk anyway.  I don't mean just hear, I mean really caringly listen.  Lucky for everyone else, I don't usually want to talk about my uninteresting life anyway.

But that's enough of that.  Listening is so much more than just hearing.  Listening involves paying attention at the very least.  Sometimes that is enough.  Hearing, providing nonverbal feedback to the speaker so they know you are hearing them and understanding.  How do you listen to someone though when you are having trouble paying attention?  I guess first you have to figure out why you're having trouble paying attention.

A good culprit as a first item is the TV.  Not specifically the TV, but that is a good example of what a distractions might be.  That's why I'm having trouble writing this right now.  I'm having trouble paying attention to this because of the distraction in the background.  We can gather from this is that it is good to listen in a place that is free from distractions, or remove the potential distractions from the area where the listening is to be done.  Less distractions the better.

Two is personal issues.  I find it difficult to listen when I've got my own baggage I'm lugging around upstairs.  It's best to check your bags at the door, if you can.  Put them away for the time being.  After all, if you're going to be listening and want the person to understand that you really do care, try to avoid talking about your problems.  Doing so may give the idea that you're trying to shift the focus on to yourself rather than the person being listened to.  If you are unable to get your own personal issues under control, perhaps you're not the person to be listening.  It's good for people to understand that sometimes other just can't listen, after all we all have our own things happening in our lives.

Respect.  Just like a person who needs to talk should be able to respect if the person to talk to can't spend the time listening, the listener should be able to show the speaker that they at least respect him as a person.  A lack of mutual respect for each other is a good way to get off to a bad start and a waste of time.  Without mutual respect for each other, one side will look down on the other and the result will be the opposite of the desired result; that of conflict between the parties rather than understanding and empathizing and helping one another through difficult times.

This is about as far as it goes for me.  I'm far from a professional counselor, nor do I have any training in the area.  All I can speak to is common sense and what I've learned from my own interactions with people throughout my life.  Another part of being a good listener is being able to take correction.  Something I'm not particularly good at listening to.  So, help me out if you feel like it and correct anything I'm wrong about here.

Thus concludes this edition.