Rules For Driving In The City

Did you know that it's much easier to write something when you just let the words flow out of your head and onto whatever medium it is that you're writing with?  It's like a stream of water running down a hill and around the rocks, making little gurgly noises as it winds it's way through the path of least resistance.  While it can be comforting to listen and entertaining, from time to time we crave something with a bit more substance.  That is why I am going to attempt to create an entire blog post on a single topic.  It's been said of me before that still waters run deep.  This is my attempt at giving you a nice pool to swim and cool off in.  A change of pace from the rapids you're normally compelled to navigate.

As I was navigating the rapids myself today it occurred to me that in my time living near and working in a "big" city I have come to the realization that many people have a certain fear that quite possibly is unfounded.  At the least, it is valid in so much that they fear what they don't know and have not experienced.  This isn't necessarily an unnatural thing.  We often fear what we don't know and can't understand.  Kind of like driving in the city is to people unaccustomed to navigating the rapids of the urban asphaltways.  And so, here are Tony's rules for driving in the city.

1) Don't panic!

Much like Douglas Adams tells us, it is important not to panic for obvious reasons.  First you're driving.  Panic while driving is never a good thing, unlike being at the disco.  Driving in a panic will tend to find you in the most in the most inopportune situations, generally involving others and mangled metal.  Something that is never a joyous occasion, unless you're watching that episode of Auction Hunters where Ton rolls a car in a junkyard with a Bobcat.  Second, well, I can't think of a second reason why you shouldn't drive in a panic beyond the desire to avoid bodily harm to yourself and/or others, which to me, sounds like a pretty good reason on it's own.

2) Water off a duck's back.

If you're the out of towner who isn't used to the joys of traffic jams, slow drivers, idiot drivers, and people who thing they own the road, this is probably the second most important thing you can do while driving in the city.  Know that you are generally travelling at high rates of speed (though speed isn't necessarily a factor here) in cramped areas with many other people doing the same thing.  Due to the sheer number of individuals in one place at the same time, you're bound to run into (not literally let's hope) that one individual that will flip you off for doing exactly what the traffic laws dictate you should do at that one point in time.

Like water off a duck's back, it is a good idea to not take anything personally and remember, that person irked at you for obeying the law is the stupid freakin' moron here, not you.  Remain calm, let him put the hammer down, speed off, and vent his anger on some other driver that is miles ahead of you.  With any luck, he'll be the one to spring that speed trap ahead that you might have gotten caught in for driving 7 miles per hour over the speed limit.  See, it's all good!

3) You can get there from here (anywhere).

Getting lost can be a stressful situation to be in.  Even worse can be that first few moments after you realize, "Oh crap, I was supposed to turn there!"  Or, "Gah!  Turned too soon!"  If you find yourself in just such a situation, first remember rule 1, DON'T PANIC, then remember this one.  You are in a city.  Cities mean lots of people.  Lots of people mean lots of ways to get to point B from point A.  That generally means that, yes, you should have turned sooner or not at all, but where ever you find yourself know, know that you can get where you're going from here!  Honestly, this is something everyone should know.  Regardless of where you live you don't generally get permanently lost by missing your turn or taking too many.

This can be a blessing in disguise.  You get to see parts of town you've never been to (and may never want to see again).  You may find things you didn't know were there.  You may be late for that appointment and have to make another trip which is another opportunity to get lost and see more of town!  Just what you always wanted, I know.  But yes, where ever you are right know, you can get there from here!  Amazing isn't it!  Which takes us into the next section:

4) Essential equipment for reducing stress.

No, I'm not talking about massages, though you might want one after an exciting drive.  I'm talking about things like GPSs, maps, and uh, other things, that reduce stress.  Um, no.  Not that, get your mind out of the gutter.  We're driving here.

Yes, GPSs can be a huge help, especially in assisting with the previous rule.  You can know that you can get there from here, but if you don't know how to get there from here, it can be difficult to not cuss that guy out that just cut you off when you clearly had the right of way.  A GPS will help you when you get lost and direct you the way you need to go.  Unless of course you got that guy from the Allstate commercials to GPS for you, or the GPS you bought doesn't know it's head from a hole in the ground, in which case planning and a map can help a lot more.

In addition to a GPS, something I also mentioned is planning.  The 7 Ps should always precede any trip...  Proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance.  Memorize it.  Know it.  Use it.

5) No substitute for experience.

As with anything you do in life, there is no substitute for experience.  Having been there, done that is one of the most valuable things you can have in your possession (Except for that one time in Puerto Rico where I woke up with a hangover, in the hospital, and a bad case of...oh never mind.  I wish I hadn't been there and hadn't done that.).  So, anyway...  Yes, one of your biggest allies in driving in the city is having been there and done that.  Like a fine wine, you'll get better the more times you do it.  Or the more times you do it you'll age.  Or as you drive more, your hair will turn grey...or something like that.  Before you know it, you'll be sitting on your bed, writing out your own set of rules for driving in the city hoping to dispel the fears of others coming to the concrete jungle while counting how many more grey hairs that prick in the Audi gave you today.  I'm kidding.  My grey hairs came from other sources.

I hope you've enjoyed this little trip down education lane and find this information to be helpful to you in your future adventures.  Good luck and God speed (but not too fast)!